you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
