3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
