I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
