I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
