I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
