No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
she smelled like a LAN party
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
