hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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