I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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