beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
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I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
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Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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