i think my mom watched the whole time
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
