At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize