Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and you fell through a lawn chair
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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