I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
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