dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
