have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
