Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Are we still banned from the library?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
