I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
