I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
