When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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