he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
My Sexting was not on an AP level
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
