Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
how does that bad decision feel?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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