I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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