i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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