note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize