look no pants
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
