i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
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Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
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My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
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