I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
