I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
