found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
