is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
