Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I miss vodka workout Fridays
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
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