is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
