All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
