Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
