when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Randomize
