i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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