Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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