so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
