i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
