I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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