Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
