i will never coherently bang her
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
