Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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