Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
