Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
