So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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