i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
