I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
don't judge my taste in strippers
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
