I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
