just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
