Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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