I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
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Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
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"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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