So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
