i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
