it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
