her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
