When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
