So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
smell my finger.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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