I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
The adults are the big ones right?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
