I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
