Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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