my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
