Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
