nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
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