just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
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