Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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