Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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