For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
