I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
