I love black thongs
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
