clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
