Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
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Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
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What happened to fro yo and sex?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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