You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
