seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
