are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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